


Entangled

by flootzavut



Series: Unwise [3]
Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationship, Angst, Blanket Permission, Boundaries, Changing Relationships, Episode Related, Episode: s04e10 Quo Vadis Captain Chandler, Friendship, Inconvenient Feelings, M/M, nexttimeverse, queer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 19:37:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21287075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flootzavut/pseuds/flootzavut
Summary: Sid doesn't want to say Hawk has a type, but...
Relationships: B. J. Hunnicutt/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce (mentioned), Sidney Freedman & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce, Sidney Freedman/Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Series: Unwise [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1358404
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Entangled

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justalittlegreen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalittlegreen/gifts), [brevityis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brevityis/gifts).

> I still can't entirely get my head around ratings. This is another I'd put on the cusp between T and M but I think it leans T. Please poke me if you think I've chosen poorly...

* * *

_ **Entangled** _

* * *

_ _

Sidney realises it's gone on too long when Hawkeye looks at BJ Hunnicutt with a desperate kind of longing, and for one excruciating moment, it makes Sid fiercely, irrationally jealous.

In that moment, he's overcome with possessiveness. He wants to grab Hawk and drag him off somewhere and- and then he realises how absolutely and completely ridiculous he's being.

(Hawkeye has that effect on people.)

Once he's seen the impulse for what it is, it's easier to ignore it, easier to laugh at himself, even if there's more truth in it than he wants to admit, even though it aches.

BJ, as it turns out, is also a husband and father, a good doctor, with a dangerous sense of humour and a wicked streak. Sid doesn't want to say Hawk has a type, but... BJ's funny and good-looking and kind, too; it's hardly a surprise Hawk's spellbound.

It can't hurt that BJ looks at him in a way that's not quite the same, but is definitely indicative of some kind of crush. Being very happily married is not an inoculation against Hawkeye's charm; if Sid's any judge, BJ is just as susceptible as anyone else. If it weren't for the irrational jealousy and the very rational concern that these boys will get themselves in trouble, Sid would laugh fondly at them. As it is, it's rather painful.

Hawkeye was never meant to get under his skin this way. He should've known. Hell, on some level he did; he just wanted Hawk too much to be sensible about it. It's not even as if it's been so long or happened so many times, but like everything here, it's heightened and made more intense by the situation. Far from home and in the middle of a war, it's easy to fall for anyone who can blot out the noise and the fear for a little while.

(And Hawkeye isn't just anyone.)

The VIP tent was all set up for him to use, and he was intending to stay, but his part in their little drama is over pretty quick, and he doesn't trust himself. He needs to think things through, clear his head, and experience has taught him that's unlikely to happen in close proximity to Hawkeye Pierce. Getting out of here while it's still light feels like running away, and maybe it is, but it also seems like his best option.

When Hawk inevitably turns up as he's gathering his belongings together, it's so tempting to pull him inside and close and into bed. How sharply Sid wants it makes him sure he's made the right decision.

He lets Hawkeye in (this is a conversation for which they need all the scant privacy a MASH unit ever affords), but steps back when Hawk reaches for him.

"Sid?"

"You all right, Hawkeye?"

Hawk rolls his eyes. "I'd be better if you'd come over here and kiss me. I've got an hour, and I know exactly how I wanna spend it."

"Not tonight, dear," Sidney says, trying to keep it light.

"Oooh, playing hard to get, huh?" Hawk waggles his eyebrows and rubs his hands together. "I love it."

Sid should've known Hawk would regard that as more of a challenge than a denial. (It doesn't help at all that it's his own damn fault. He's never been good at telling Hawk no, and he never tried as hard as he should.)

"Not playing, Hawkeye. Just... tired."

"I have an idea that'll make you sleep like the dead, I promise." He cocks his head to one side when Sid doesn't immediately reply. "I can always come back later if you'd rather," he says, and there it is, the smallest crack his saucy playfulness. Under the veneer, his expression speaks of exhaustion and deep sadness.

The urge to look after him is strong. Not just to pull him into bed and make him feel good, much as the idea appeals, but to take him up on the offer of later, the chance to hold him close and stroke his hair, to give him a night of peace and quiet and sincere affection.

It's almost unbearably tempting. If it could be just that... but it never is, and Sid's not in the right frame of mind to figure out how the hell they can get there.

He takes a deep breath and tries to smile. He needs to resist; he just doesn't want to. "Right now, I need to stay awake. Falling asleep on the drive back to Seoul would be a bad idea."

The crack widens; Hawk's dismay is obvious and painful. "Back to Seoul?"

Sid nods.

"But... why?"

"The war marches on. Apparently they need me down there." He does his best to keep the smile plastered on, and hopes it looks more sincere than it feels.

"I'm sure we have plenty of patients for you to help here," Hawk says, pasting on his own unconvincing grin. "For starters, I happen to know a surgeon who really, really needs to give a psychiatrist a blowjob. For morale." He widens his eyes, comically pleading. "It's a matter of life and death, Sid. If he doesn't get some cock soon, he may lose all hold on reality."

Sid can't help laughing at Hawk's shamelessness, then has to place a hand on his chest when he steps in close again. "I'm afraid you'll have to tell your 'friend' he needs to find a replacement candidate."

"But-"

"No buts."

Hawk pouts. "Geez, Sid. I've never known a guy so damn resistant to having his cock sucked."

"I apologise for the inconvenience."

"Oh, c'mon, Sid, please. Just stay for a bit, I'll make it quick if you want, I bet I can get you off in no time if you let me-"

Sid claps his free hand over Hawk's mouth. He hasn't a clue what Hawk was about to add, but he's absolutely sure whatever it was would be bad for his mental health.

For a few moments they just stand there, looking at each other, then Hawk's expression slumps from defiant to defeated and it's safe for Sid to let his hand fall.

"I don't know what you're suddenly so cagey about," Hawk grumbles. "It's not like I'm suggesting a leisurely fuck in supply, although if you felt like inviting me back to Seoul for the night-"

Okay, apparently it's never safe to let him speak. "I think- I think it would be a very bad idea, Hawkeye," Sid says. His voice is a little shaky, but he doesn't let himself stop. "What's more, I think you know that."

"As I recall, it's been damn good every time," Hawk points out. (He's not wrong.)

"That isn't why it's a bad idea."

"Then why-"

"_Hawkeye_." Sid closes his eyes for a moment to give himself room to think. "You know why," he continues more softly. "There are dozens of reasons. Pick one."

"There are no _good_ reasons."

"There are _lots_ of good reasons."

"None you haven't ignored before."

Sidney lets his head fall forward to rest against Hawk's shoulder. That this is partially his own doing doesn't make it any easier to try and undo. Oh, it would be so easy to break Hawkeye, or to let Hawkeye break him, regardless of his best intentions. Sid could give in, _wants_ to give in, but he mustn't. Won't, for both their sakes.

"Because I was a fool," he says eventually.

"Wisdom is overrated," Hawkeye murmurs, then leans down to nip at Sidney's earlobe, prompting an involuntary whimper. Sid's weakening, and it must be obvious. When he looks up again, Hawk leans in too fast for him to think, and kisses him, and Sidney can't help it, he kisses back.

"See?" Hawk whispers when they surface. "I know you want me." He strokes a hand down Sid's back, watching for Sid's reaction. It would be so easy to say yes, to give in and chase release together, but he just... he _can't_.

"Hawkeye-"

Hawk stops dead then pulls away, obviously hearing the serious note in Sidney's voice. "What?" His expression makes Sid's heart ache.

"I'm saying no," Sid manages at last, kind but firm.

"But..." Hawk blinks. "But you like me," he whispers, incredibly quietly, with the raw vulnerability he rarely shows in public.

"Hawkeye," Sid says, as gently as he's able, "my liking you has never been the problem."

Usually, Sidney doesn't give a second thought to how old Hawkeye or any of these people are. They're all adults, all in this crazy situation together, all muddling through as best they can, all understanding one another better than anyone who isn't here ever possibly could.

Then there are moments like this one, with Hawkeye staring down at him confused and hurt, when he feels so very, very old.

"Ahhh, Hawkeye." Sidney winds his hands into Hawk's hair and tugs, pulling until he can reach up to gently kiss Hawk's forehead. He's tempted to say 'Maybe next time', but this is a door he should shut; he's already been less clear than he meant to be, has already left far too much uncertainty. He shakes his head.

"Sid?"

Sidney runs his thumb along Hawkeye's cheekbone. "I'm sure you'll get along just fine without me, Hawkeye. Do your shift then have a quiet night. Have a drink, play cards, laugh, get some rest." He bites his tongue not to mention BJ; it's bad enough he's jealous, it would be very stupid to let Hawk realise that.

Hawkeye must see something that makes some kind of sense to him on Sidney's face, because a little of the hurt drops away. "Okay," he says. "Okay."

They stand there for a moment, staring at each other, then Hawkeye's pulling Sid into a bone-crushing hug that all but lifts him off his feet. Sidney laughs, can't help it, and hugs back.

"What's so funny?"

Sid ruffles Hawk's hair in lieu of an answer. Saying 'You are' would be accurate, but probably wouldn't come out as positive as he'd intend it. "Nothing. Everything." There's no simple way to explain he can't let himself love Hawk that way, the way he's at risk of if he allows this to go on. It would be so easy to fall; far easier than taking the necessary step back. Easier than admitting to himself that he royally screwed up. He can't offer what Hawkeye needs, he's been too selfish already, and he has to laugh for his own sanity, to shore himself up against the pain of those realisations.

"Hawkeye?"

"Mmhm?"

Sidney pulls back just enough to cup Hawk's cheeks and look him in the eye. "You're a remarkable person, you know that?"

Hawk blinks. "Thank you?"

Sidney laughs again. "Get outta here. I'm sure you'll find someone to keep you entertained."

That earns him a quizzical look, then Hawk shrugs resignedly. "You're weird."

Sid shrugs back. "I know."

"If you change your mind-"

"I won't."

"Spoilsport." Hawk leans down to press a kiss to the corner of Sid's mouth, light and affectionate - a kiss for a friend this time. "See you Friday?" he asks, as if Sidney would ever miss a poker night when he didn't have to.

"You know it."

They look at each other for another moment, then Hawk smiles ruefully (maybe he was still hoping Sid would relent) and leaves Sid to his own company.

Sid waits five minutes, to be sure Hawkeye's not coming back, then flops down on the bed and breathes a sigh of relief as he undoes his fly. Hawk's left him keyed up in more ways than one, and while he may be a fool, he's not enough of one to drive to Seoul with an erection and his head full of Hawkeye Pierce. He feels mildly uneasy using the memory of Hawk's mouth and face and body to give himself release, but it's better than falling to his knees and tearing into Hawk's pants would've been.

(Or if it's not exactly better, at least it's far wiser)

He's mad at the world, at the war, at the people, at the hurt. He didn't sign on for this. But then again, neither did anybody else.

_~ fin ~_

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more between this and Meatball Psychiatry eventually, I'm working on it 😉


End file.
